cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
