Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
