I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
