we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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