went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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