the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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