You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
