He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
