I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
