Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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