The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
