I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
