oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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