One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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