Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The best revenge is premature balding
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
