Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
