He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
