Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
