Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
