Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
