So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
