I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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