Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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