dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
