Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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