Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My bed smells like the plague
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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