Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
