That's intense
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
