Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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