I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
