forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
