i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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