No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
