Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
