why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
