best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
