It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
