My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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