My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
