On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
