that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
