i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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