i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
