i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
