If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She even gives head with a lisp.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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