Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
