totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
