she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
