i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
