His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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