I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
