Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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