she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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