"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
