Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
